What is False Love? 

The Old Testament book of adameveeatGenesis communicates through the creation story of Adam and Eve how we all share similar ancestors. Like their children Cain and Abel, we all suffer from the reality that none of us had perfect parents throughout our childhood. Some children grow up perceiving there to be a lack of love from otherwise loving parent figures. Other children suffer abuse and neglect from truly abusive parents. Still others may not have been seen or recognized for who God made them to be, but rather treated as an extension of their parents own interests and agendas.

The term “False Love” or “Pseudo-Love” was referred to in my earlier post called Love Hurts to describe the emotional highs and lows related to traumatic bonding. If children are traumatically bonded to their parent figures, they are highly likely to repeat this traumatic love relationship as adults. For example, a man who was traumatically bonded to his mother is apt to marry a woman who creates this same dynamic in their relationship. Likewise, if a woman was traumatically bonded to her father figure, she will be vulnerable to feeling emotionally attracted to a man who treats her as her father did. This is a “false love addiction” based on emotional highs and lows which is often referred to as “Co-dependent.”

More often than not, sexual attraction is rooted in our effort to heal our deepest wounds. Most people, whether heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, are seeking to bond with someone who will offer them the love that they missed out on from parent figures. In healthy intimate relationships, there can be genuine healing. This healing takes place in a long-term committed relationship that lasts through the good times and the bad times, thus we have the covenant of marriage. Real love is everlasting, truthful, committed and reciprocal. Real love resolves conflicts whereas false love avoids conflicts.

Outside of marriage, trained professionals in the care-giving fields can also offer a piece of this healing. For example, adults who were physically abused as children can find healing through massage therapy. Adults who were emotionally abused as children can find healing through professional counseling. Professional care-givers must be able to hold healthy boundaries and maintain the integrity of their professional status in order to be instruments of God’s healing to others. When seeking healing from a care-giving professional, it is well worth the money to pay to work with professionals who have the training, integrity, and professional certifications to offer care according to their profession’s Code of Ethics.


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